I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
