ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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