He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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