Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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