I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
