Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
