I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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