i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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