I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
