so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
