he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
