Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize