I cockslap morals
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
