I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
