We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
