All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
