I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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