Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
