i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
