Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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