I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize