I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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