Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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