we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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