I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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