either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
