My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
