last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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