my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
