I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
