you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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