Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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