On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
