4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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