How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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