dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
