Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
