I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
