I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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