I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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