guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
