girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
