How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
