I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
