I hate your face
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
