pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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