I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
