yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
