i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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