As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
