He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
