I wish I could punch you in the face.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
