yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize