She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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