I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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