I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
