You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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