I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
