She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
