Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
