Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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