I can feel you judging me through the phone.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
